The cruelty of breakup...

“God is cruel. Sometimes he makes you live.” -Stephen King

If you steal and get away with it, you have very little (if any at all) of the conscious pain you feel when you are the victim of theft...

If you kill and get away with it, you don't often feel the pain of death throes...

If you cheat someone or beat them or lie to them and get away with it, you don't feel the pain they do.(Don't be fooled...it doesn't hurt them as much as it does you!)

But...have you ever noticed that breaking up is the only action that hurts the same whether you are the one acting or the target of the action?

Why does this need to be so? In a world where a breakup is almost inevitable (rare, sadly, are those who keep their promises enough times to make it worth your while to stick around...and even more rare those who can tell the truth and still keep your love and respect) it would make sense that at least one of those involved should escaped unscathed.

When a person loses a limb, or suffers severe enough pain, s/he often goes into shock or delirium, feeling nothing, in a world of his/her own...so where is the "state of shock" here? Why are we not blissfully oblivious, as we would be if we were experiencing massive blood loss?

Thanks to this fiasco...at present, I hate:

1. Paty's house
2. The smell of freshly mown grass (and cow dung...It smells like that at home, but I didn't expect it to smell of that here o.O)
3. The sound of Zack's voice (damn he sounds like JD)
4. Computers and all related things(even this blog)
5. The smell of cigarette smoke AND smoke from a campfire
6. Books about the Hmong culture
7. Hospitals (esp ICU)
8. Men with ratty goatees
9. The smell of Paty's laundry concoction
10. The thought of love...the "anti-relationshippers" have almost converted me...

Pull me through, I pray, without more scars, without more baggage, so I emerge wiser and better for the trip.

Welcome to the Abyss...

Far from the very western view that the abyss, within or without, is a place to be feared, avoided, ignored...there are those of us, who, with psychonautical glee, seek this bottomless pit that lies below our very consciousness. Bathing in the void, swimming through the unknown...hoping to reach a shore of better understanding, more unity, an expanded consciousness that pulls us through, as Stuart Wilde would say, the world of Tick-Tock and into the deeper world many of our contemporaries miss...

Or at the very least to emerge with our sanity intact...

The abyss is personal, so there will be personal posts here...Whiny narratives of my trips into the abyss, intentional and otherwise...narratives for which I apologize profusely beforehand.

The abyss is spiritual, so there will be infantile musings about the nature of Divinity, consciousness, and the non-reality that is reality.

The abyss is political and social, so there will be rants and raves about current events...some painful, some amusing...all hopefully with some insights that perhaps you've never heard before.

But most of all the abyss, as I express it, will be designed to touch your own personal abyss...pull you across...drag feelings from you you never experienced...dredge up wounds you've never licked...

Quite a tall order, huh?

Welcome to the abyss...

And if the dam breaks open many years too soon
And if there is no room upon the hill
And if your head explodes with dark forbodings too
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon...

(c) Waters and Gilmour (of Pink Floyd) 1973